Luke Ballmer: “Accidental Racism” knocks Macklemore down to third worst musician


Luke Ballmer

LL Cool J has finally let me down.

For those of you unaware, LL Cool J and Brad Paisley recently proved Confederate flags are fine when racist bands wear them and that do-rags are basically iron chains with their recent collabo-racism (patent pending), “Accidental Racism.”

It’s hard to know where to start, but I guess one place could be with a measured concession to Macklemore, who is now only the third worst popular musician.

Beyond that, the mind is left reeling.

Why did LL and B-Pais think this song was a good way start to “the conversation” about slavery and the role of southern pride?

Did they intend that conversation to begin with “LL Cool J and Brad Paisley are the worst”?

If Paisley knows the Confederate flag is very, very racist, why does he think he has the power to change what it means?

Does he think the Confederate flag can mean anything but the support of a racist cause?

Does Brad Paisley have the whitest name of all time?

If you don’t think this song is as repulsive and disgusting as the millions of other sensible folk do, you’ll hate this next part even more.

Let’s talk about racism in country music, because it neither starts nor ends with “Accidental Racism”.

The country music you hear on the radio and on every award show ever loves to glorify a period of time that killed and enslaved millions while propagating sexism and classism.

I knew there must be a better reason to dislike Lady Antebellum than “their only notable song is annoying” (because, let’s be real, plenty of respectable people probably think this is annoying).

A little thought (and not quite over-analysis, as has been suggested I’m wont to indulge in) about both their image and very name gives my dislike much better justification.

Country music like theirs propagates and stokes the many glowing embers of southern racism, and we haven’t even started talking about Lynyrd Skynyrd, Ted Nugent, or Meatloaf yet.

While I hope Bryn isn’t as big a country music fan as a One Direction or Macklemore fan (as I most certainly do not desire to start a war someone who could destroy me with a single pierrette), I can safely affirm that the music we listen to, pop or otherwise, has an immense influence on society.

Read up on The Beatles, The Clash, Elvis, or, perhaps, the angels from a book we’ve all slept through lectures on to understand that.

The world would be a much worse place if those beautiful hippies heard “Imagine” and only thought “What catchy pop music, they really were in the right place at the right time!” as they blindly marched to war just as our society will be hurt if we hear “Accidental Racism” and simply forgive Brad Paisley and James Smith for trying.

We should think about the music we listen to, and at least call out bigotry when we see it.

P.S. Furthermore, I’m pretty sure the reason Bryn didn’t catch that my last sentence was completely ironic is the same reason she thinks I’m a “good fellow”: she’s just much more genuine and kind than I am.

However, as an admittedly rather unkind person, I couldn’t leave out the fact that Chuck Norris is insane, professing love to One Direction makes a better argument against yourself than I ever could, and “you’re*.”

What do you think?