I have a deeper yes for my future bride


Credit: Joel Mayorga/The Foothill Dragon Press

Michael Thompson

Credit: Joel Mayorga/The Foothill Dragon Press
Chastity is something writer Michael Thompson believes has been forgotten by society. Credit: Joel Mayorga/The Foothill Dragon Press

Today’s culture is notorious for taking something that is naturally good and virtuous, but later strips it of its original meaning and value-usually because the virtue requires discipline. One of those virtues is known as chastity. Chastity is defined as refraining from sexual intercourse outside of marriage.

Many people frown upon this virtue because it seems impossible, unnatural and is unpopular. I would like to address these reasons and more, while building upon my last article on authentic love.

Virtue today is not only lacking in the world, but is despised by it. Why? The practice of virtue (not only pertaining to chastity) requires discipline and self-control. The problem is that it is easier to give into our desires than it is to control them. For example, it is easier to eat whatever we please then it is to moderate our food consumption. It is easier to sit and stream Netflix than it is to go for a run. Now more than ever, all virtue is under attack. It is under attack because virtues remind us of the high moral standards we all should be striving towards. Our culture loves to devalue and mock these virtues, so that they won’t have to be reminded of their own moral failures. Chastity is one of those virtues.

Why would you want to refrain from sex until marriage if you really love someone?

How do you know that you love someone? Is it because you receive pleasure or enjoy the feelings from the relationship? Receiving pleasure would be something that benefits me. This makes love a matter of what I want and what I need. This is not authentic love. Love is to will the good of another person and is motivated by unselfish concern for the other. When we believe love is about what we can get, then our actions toward that person, who we think we love, becomes a matter of using that person for our own satisfaction.

I understand your point about love and willing the good of another, but what is wrong with two people having sex outside of marriage when they both agree to it and are getting pleasure from the act? Wouldn’t that be showing unselfish concern for another person?

The problem with that relationship is that it lacks a firm foundation. That relationship still relies on getting what I want out of another person and as soon the pleasure or benefit runs out, the relationship is over. This is the same for prostitution. When a person has a relationship with a prostitute it is a mutual use agreement between them. The man or woman wants pleasure and the prostitute wants the money they receive. Both people are fulfilling each other’s desires and getting what they want. The moment the relationship fails to benefit one person, it is over. For example, the prostitute may find a richer client one night or the client may find a more attractive prostitute. Today, how many relationships are similar to this? How many men and women give up their virginity out of pressure or fear of losing their significant other?

This is interesting but seems impossible, unnatural and is not very popular. What would you say?

There is no denying that chastity is a tough virtue to follow and is one that may be seen as unnatural since we all have a sexual urge. The sexual urge is natural and directs us towards other people, possibly giving us an outline for authentic love to flourish-if it is for the good of another person. It is important to note that our sexual urge is very different from that of an animal. Animals act out of instinct and not according to a deliberate thought. As humans, we have control over our sexual urge since we have the ability to reason how to use it. Just because we have the urge to have sex, does not mean we have to act on that urge.

I agree that at times chastity seems impossible, but we always have to keep in mind the reason for why we are waiting until marriage.

The reason I am waiting until marriage is so that I can give myself to one person freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully. Have I been tempted? Absolutely, but when I say no to sex outside of marriage it is only because I have a deeper yes for my future bride. Chastity is that deeper yes that allows us to authentically love a person for who they are, while saying Forget About Me I Love You. (F.A.M.I.L.Y.)

What do you think?