Satire: It’s time for Michael Myers movies to actually end


Lola Burns

Michael Myers returns for the 13th and final “Halloween” movie, hopefully signaling the rightful end of the 44-year-old franchise.

Claire Hadley, Writer

A consistency regarding Oct. 31 is that people can regularly count on a new addition to the “Halloween” movie series. Its presence has dragged across October cinema since the late 1970s, leaving a trail of the same old plot over and over again. Each movie follows a slightly different version of Michael Myers chasing after Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) and her family or some other random protagonist who faces the same issues. It seems that producers and creators of the “Halloween” series count on the title to lure people into witnessing the same old jump scares and rely on the movie gaining preach for the “spooky” aspects intertwined with the “Halloween” theme song smashed in again and again. 

The first installment of the franchise should be the only movie that people jump to watch, while the rest should be instant repellent for anyone eager to see a spooky fall movie. The first movie was iconic for its time and remains so to this day, a frightening tale of a stalker that any horror enthusiast can appreciate. It was one of the most exciting horror movies of the ’70s. Unfortunately, the rest are just copycat movies of the original that add an insignificant twist that is supposedly thrilling. 

“Halloween Ends,” released on Oct. 14, 2022, is the latest installment that follows Laurie, her granddaughter and her granddaughter’s boyfriend. Let’s be real – how in the world have Laurie and Michael Meyers been able to coexist on this fictional planet together for over four decades? After nearly 45 years of Michael vehemently hunting down Laurie and her fiercely escaping death through deceitful methods such as faking her death, writers have seemed too consumed with carrying on what seems to be an existential tale of the cat and mouse to care about new shocking twists that would actually be unpredictable. The outcome is also unbelievably unrealistic even for a movie that lies under the fantasy category; either Myers or Strode has yet to die after years and years of being at each other’s throat.

It has become too obvious that Michael Myers and Laurie Strode will survive. In two of the movies they gave false hope that one of the main characters would finally die off. In the 1981 version Meyers supposedly burns to death, only to be revived in the next movie. In “Halloween 4, Laurie was said to be dead, but then in “Halloween H20” she was back in action when the film explained that she faked her death. Bringing the leads back to life just showed that the producers would continue to prevent good or evil from winning to make more money and help the franchise live on.

The whole appeal of scary movies is the fear of the unknown. Usually there is appeal to movie sequels because of the thrill of what might creep around the corner next or how characters are going to develop. The “Halloween” series should have halted long ago; there is no suspense anymore in the concept of being chased by the same exact villain, shielded in an undaunting, vanilla face covering. Sure, there might be a few jump scares, but every single one is unbelievably predictable – Myers will always be around the corner stalking or attempting to torment the protagonist. It’s nothing special. 

At this point, the producers of the “Halloween” series are trying to burn a hole in the wallet of anyone who gains curiosity of what the hype is over the ongoing series or of people who enjoy the horror genre. The opening weekend of the movie hauled in an impressive 41.25 million dollars. Seriously though, why waste a good 15 dollars on a movie ticket when there are 12 other versions scattered throughout various streaming platforms such as Amazon Prime and Hulu.

It’s not the ’70s anymore; a typical stalker with weird obsessions in a plain, unintimidating mask is not going to bring fear to the minds of anyone watching. The thrill in horror movies nowadays is seeing horrifying-looking figures who are more than a typical stalker that has no motives other than to kill the same girl and anyone who stands in his way for 13 movies straight. For the sake of Oct. 31 movies, hopefully the “Halloween” series will finally be buried dead in the ground.

What do you think?