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Satire: The impending horrors of Generation Alpha

Karli Riehle
As the influence of the digital age continues to be a well discussed topic, the newest generation, generation Alpha, has been raised in this era of technology and connectivity. Born between the years of 2010 to 2024, children born in this era often have access to screens very early, raising some questions about their behaviors as they continue to age.

Since 2010, what is perhaps the scariest generation of them all has been roaming our precious home. A new breed of children, clad in bright colors and usually found carrying Stanley tumblers, have made their presence known in the past few years. This young generation is special, not only because it occurs at the height of technology but because it is the very first generation to be named after a letter in the Greek Alphabet. 

Planet Earth presents: Generation Alpha

Generation Alpha, the children born and raised in the age of technology, has taken a very weird turn. From their strange ideas of entertainment through short-form content to their inventions of the words “rizz,” “on God,” “woke” and others, today’s children have gone in a very different direction than the world had anticipated. 

Ready or not, after the year 2024, this generation will be completely instilled in our world. Should we be concerned? Or should we accept the fact that cursed videos of toilets with human heads will prevail? 

One of Generation Alpha’s most defining traits is their lingo. As children of TikTok and YouTube Shorts, words have naturally been thrown around and new terms are much more easily circulated around the world. Their vocabulary ranges from someone being “drippy” (translation: fashionable), to being “low-key cringe” (translation: just sort of inducing feelings of secondhand embarrassment). An exemplification of this: “These hot dogs are straight bussin’.” Meaning, said hotdogs are delicious. The only possible synonyms for “bussin’” include “dope,” the act of the aforementioned hotdogs “hitting different” and the common phrase: “This slaps!” As terrifying as it is to say, Generation Alpha essentially speaks a new form of computer. For more on this, internet personality Eric Jeng interviewed two kids belonging to the generation and decided that no, we are not at all ready for what they have in store for us. 

Believe it or not, the rise of our technological era has inspired the bizarre notion of entertainment for Generation Alpha. Many have adopted a bizarre interest in Skibidi Toilet, a machinima web series posted on both YouTube and YouTube shorts, which is centered around toilets with humanoid heads sticking out and using various kinds of machinery to fight each other. If you ever find yourself seeking instant gratification through mind-numbing entertainment, or maybe even everyone’s favorite case of “TikTok brain,” look to short-form satirical videos on nearly any social media platform (except for Facebook, that’s for old people). At this point, plain old memes are unfortunately a thing of the past. All hail human-headed toilets. 

It is pretty safe to conclude that Generation Alpha is indeed something we should be afraid of in the oncoming years. As these children grow and mature as the most technologically advanced generation we have ever seen, the ever-altering world before us will take a grandiose shift. For the better or for the worse? That is up for your interpretation. But if there’s one thing you can learn, learn this: if you ever come across a brightly-dressed child carrying a Stanley tumbler, proceed with caution. 

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About the Contributors
Kalea Eggertsen
Kalea Eggertsen, Writer
Aspiring fiction author and first-year writer who has been at it ever since she could hold a pencil.
Karli Riehle
Karli Riehle, Illustrator
A first-year illustrator, obsessed with dragons and doodling.

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