Satire: The McDonald’s order that Trumps all others


Credit: Nick Zoll / The Foothill Dragon Press

Jack Vielbig

In a world with competitive cuisine around every corner, our very own President of the United States (POTUS), Donald J. Trump, has chosen to dine at only the finest institution that America has to offer. Often he abandons the home-cooked professional meals served to him at the White House, in order to engulf his favorite meal that McDonald’s, America’s most prized fine-dining restaurant, can prepare for him in a matter of minutes.

Often times, POTUS #45 is labeled as “unpresidential” by various media outlets. However, is this tendency not the perfect display of American nationalism? Trump has carried on Michelle Obama’s legacy of healthy eating with his conventional order of two Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fish sandwiches, and a delicious large chocolate shake served by the nationally renowned McCafe. According to the McDonald’s website, this tops out at a mere 2,430 calories while packing only 111 grams of fat. Talk about promoting a healthier, protein-packed lifestyle!

Certainly, he chooses McDonald’s over the highly-touted cooking of White House chefs for a reason. Thus, we decided to put ourselves in the shoes of the President for one meal. We were not disappointed.

We started off with the juicy Big Mac, which left our chins dripping with the world-famous “special sauce.” With the first bite, we felt like we were transported to the Oval Office and could suddenly envision ourselves watching “Fox and Friends.” Each bite following, we indulged in pure, definitely not-frozen beef, with crisp, cool lettuce and pickles tickling our taste-testers.

At first glance, the Filet-O-Fish appeared to be underwhelming, but taste is not lacking in this sandwich of epic proportions. McDonald’s doesn’t disappoint with their use of fresh Alaskan pollock and creamy tartar sauce that will leave you tweeting up a storm.

To top it off, we can guarantee there will be no tariff on this extraordinary chocolate shake anytime soon! This magnificent combo of low-fat vanilla ice-cream and chocolate syrup will not only feed your tummy, but desire to be fit as well! How do you think Trump stays in such great shape? It’s not just the golf (or the tennis, for that matter)!

In the end, it’s clear that the President hasn’t made any mistakes with his order here. While we only paid $24.80 for the meal, we would certainly pay thousands of dollars to eat it again…maybe even as much as $130,000!

So check out your local fine-dining restaurant today, and if you want to experience the president-worthy customer service, pull into the McDonald’s on the corner of Victoria Avenue and Telegraph Road, located in Ventura! Believe us, you won’t be disappointed!

What do you think?