Because November is here and we’re all stressed and we all do stupid stuff that isn’t making our lives any easier. Here are some easy (and some not so easy) gradual life improvements that I fully believe could make us all that much happier. And yeah, some of them are just reminders to me, so bear with me.

1. Comparing ourselves to each other

Okay, I’m getting the most cliché one out of the way first so hold the eye-rolling. Competition is good, but we’re all stressed out enough and this is generally the biggest source of that stress. The culture we’ve landed in here at 21st century Foothill encourages this irrational belief that none of us are good enough, and we contribute to this falsehood by shrinking away to our own little corners of Netflix and non-complex carbs (see #6) and lamenting to each other about how much we “suck at life” instead of celebrating how great we actually are. That guy in the plaid vest and plaid socks that’s sitting behind you in the college info session may have gotten a 790 on the SAT math section and you may have gotten a 490, but you’re not the one wearing a plaid vest and matching plaid socks and loudly breathing through your mouth (I hope). You’re fine.

2. Listening to Robin Thicke

This should really go without saying, but since I still hear Blurred Lines on the radio all the time and I’d be willing to bet one college application fee that it was played at last Saturday’s Homecoming dance, it’s on the list anyway. Enough said.

3. Social network stalking

You are going to accidentally like his dad’s step-aunt’s photo of his three-year-old self. And it will be awkward. And, I mean, do you really want that to be the reason he doesn’t take you to Winter Formal?

Staring at her twenty-two inch waist on Instagram while shoving your face with cheeto puffs will not help you lose weight. Believe it or not, it’s kinda counterproductive to, well, anything.

And finally, going through the last four years of tagged pictures of your English teacher will inevitably prompt you to bring up that one time she was doused in paint in the back parking lot at school. And for the next two hours of the car ride to SLO in which she is the driver, you will be wondering if she thinks you’re as creepy as you actually are. Can you tell this one happened to me?

4. Waiting for the guy

Stop pining, he’s not coming. You’re wasting time and energy that could be focused on a million more, better things (i.e. that class that you’re consistently getting 89.9%’s on everything in, your best friend who has actually been there for you when the boy hasn’t, planning your world takeover, etc.).

5. Choosing not to recycle

Trying not to preach here, but really, guys. I averaged 2.83 of those stupid college mailers per day last week and that was a GOOD week. I’m not an environmentalist but by now we all know that if you can recycle it, you should recycle it. So just do it (said in Nike athlete spokesman voice). 

6. Stress eating

IT WILL ONLY MAKE YOU MORE STRESSED. You feel worse after you eat because the sugars brought you down harder than they brought you up, and now on top of stressing about how stressed you are, you’re stressing about the bag of leftover Kit Kats from Halloween you just ate and how terribly you need to go to the gym. I can already feel the wrinkles forming. And the pimples building- I can’t be the only one who breaks out after excessive chocolate consumption?

7. Tweeting about your sexual frustration

We’re all teenagers; we understand, but don’t need the angsty reminders of how you’re not “gettin sum”. Freaking out about “cuddle weather” and how you just can’t bear to sleep alone tonight *sobs* doesn’t make you Aristotle or Shakespeare.

Aaaand on that note, stop copy-pasting tumblr quotes into that 160 character box. You’re not fooling anyone, and it’s a pretty awful cliché. So yeah, just don’t be that person.

8. Cutting yourself off

Finish your sentence! The world wants to hear your passionate rants about why Monet is better than Manet and why bowls are better than plates, regardless of how much more room they take up in the dishwasher (my mom and I got in a rather explosive argument about this once). It’s easy to get used to ending your sentences in mumbles when you realize people “don’t care,” but don’t fall into that trap. Finish your sentence and let it be known why you care. And if your company still finds what you’re talking about to be “stupid,” come talk to me and I’d love to listen to your bright-eyed spiel about whatever you find so fascinating. I’m so used to being that mumbling person and I’d love for you to share.

9. Drinking weak coffee

Unless you’re at church or in a Holiday Inn lobby, because in both of those places it’s pretty unavoidable. But otherwise, make it strong and make it count- it’s coffee, after all. If you want transparent caffeine drink tea or mountain dew or something. I’d go with tea, though. I’ve heard mountain dew can dissolve rat carcasses.

10. Not being open with your real music preferences

You’re not less cool if you listen to Ke$ha between the new Civil Wars and Neighbourhood albums. Well, maybe you are, and a ton of people are probably judging you, but that’s fine. Ke$ha is amazing and I love her and that is all.

I should apologize for rambling even more this time around, but I think you guys are used to it. Good luck to anyone still reading this excruciatingly long column and those choosing to tackle any of these bad habits; I believe in you. Happy self-improvement, Foothillians!